Tip: Never, EVER, put jalapeno in your eye. Ever.
Specifically, never rub your eyes after chopping jalapenos (though I would NOT recommend putting a whole jalapeno in your eye, either).
To be clear, after chopping fresh, organic jalapenos for dinner, then washing your hands (yes, I did that to be safe), do not rub your eyes with your brand new just home from the eye doctor contact lenses that are slightly bothering you. What happens when you do that is that your eyeball CATCHES ON FIRE! Yes, FIRE!
So the first thing you have to do is remove your contact lens. Which is difficult for a contact lens newbie like me under the best of circumstances (lights, mirror, etc.). Now imagine taking your lens out when your eye is basically swollen shut, flames shooting out of it, hopping up and down from the pain, trying to find a lens case (since this is only pair of these new lenses you have), and don't forget, USING YOUR HAND THAT HAS THE FIRE OF DEATH STILL ON IT SOMEHOW!
Now the lens (just one) is out of your eye somehow and somewhere in the bathroom (I gave up on the lens case pretty quickly). Your eye is still on fire and there is still hopping. Now try thinking about what to do to stop the searing pain, deciding to call someone and trying to decide who. 911? Poison Control? Alton Brown? Ah ha, Ashley! She knows food and medicine. Alas, the Iphone doesn't have voice dial and does have a touch screen, which requires both seeing the screen and touching it (which is hard while hopping). Eventually I pushed the screen in the right way and...voicemail. Thankfully Park is on speed dial (fewer screens to navigate) and I got ahold of Ashley that way who was very supportive in saying basically, wait it out.
Eventually, my tears smothered the flames. I believe I will see again with no permanent damage. I leave you with a plea...
Never, EVER, put jalapeno in your eye. Ever.
8 comments:
Stories like this are precisely why I have a box of surgical gloves in my kitchen pantry entirely for kitchen use. Washing your hands with soap and water doesn't actually get all of the oils off. I've had hands that burned for DAYS after making a decent batch of salsa.
I managed to never get jalapeno in my eye. But while working at Birraporetti's, where part of my side work was filling dishes of red pepper flakes, I did manage to do the whole get on hands/rub eye with hands thing. Ow.
I hope the flames die down quickly.
Once, long ago, I forgot to put the little neutralizer tablet into my contact lens disinfectant (contact lenses used to be much more complicated than they are today). When I placed the un-neutralized contact into my eye and discovered that that resulted in excruciating pain, I skipped all the hopping about searching for a case stuff. Just ripped it from my eye and flung it across the room.
And then, I believe, went back to bed.
Never did find that contact.
Poor, poor T.
You know, you aren't giving the best name to single-parenting fathers.
Put some butter on it, and walk it off.
I least I didn't put jalapeno in Carter's eye! I get points for that....
LOL! T, you poor, poor thing.
i could have told you not to do that!
And the last thing I told him, on his wedding day, was, "Son, don't put jalapenos in your eye." Didn't do a bit of good.....Dad
Poor T! Just think of the song and you need never fear this again:
Don't get it in your eye-o
Unless you want to you cry-o
So come on don't be shy-o
Eat some pico de gallo
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